1. Verizon DSL….The Internet for people with all the time in the world.
2. Buy a Prius…It’s a car that even fat people can outrun.
3. Slimquick Ultra Fat Burner…Because you’ll do anything to get out of going to the gym.
4. Eat at McDonalds….It might remind you of food.
5. Budweiser…Be a man. Buy a case before your wife gets your paycheck.
6. Geico….If we didn’t spend so much on all those cool commercials, we could actually save you some money.
7. Try a Red Bull. You’ll find yourself climbing ladders for no apparent reason.
8. Support a Vietnamese family for two months…Buy a pair of Nike’s.
9. Apple…Think different…as long as you think like us. Be an Apple drone.
10. Coca-Cola, You can’t beat the real thing…so we don’t bother putting anything real in it.
11. Wheaties. The Breakfast of Champions…but we sell it to losers too.
12. No bottles to break – just hearts. Arpege…Unleash your inner slut.
13. KFC-It’s Finger Lickin’ Good…Just don’t get any on your clothes.
14. United Airlines-Fly the Friendly skies…The skies are way friendlier than we are.
15. De Beers- A diamond is forever…but your marriage is probably temporary. Spend wisely.