- Call that guy that beat me up in 2nd grade when my big brother wasn’t watching. I’ll have to call him from a pay phone, because I plan to call him a jerk, and hang up. (I’m still afraid of him),
- Make a list of books that I want to read someday. I probably won’t actually read them, but I will keep the list out for all to admire.
- I am going to write to my Congressman and complain about something. That seems to be the adult thing to do.
- I will find out who my Congressman is.
- I will write to Mark Zuckerberg and ask him to make a new Facebook, for people that don’t care so much what others are having for dinner. It will also exclude all pictures of pets. Pictures of my grandchildren will be automatically “Liked” by all Facebook subscribers.
- Figure out where the pictures go on my phone, after I take them. If I conquer that one, I’m going to figure out how they can fit a camera in there in the first place.
- I will finally write my own “Chicken Soup” book. “Irish Whiskey For The Severely Married.”.
- One more time, I’m going to get a girl to “go parking”. I will give my wife first dibs on this…but I’m not that hopeful. Applications will be accepted.
- I am going to replace the Monkees record that I broke, using it as a Frisbee This one’s not for me, but my sister has been whining about it since 1969. High time, I guess.
- I am going to apply for the job that my teachers said was my destiny. I wonder who hires ditch-diggers?
About one hundred years after the death of Jesus, the Jews living in Jerusalem made their final stand against those who would occupy their holy city. This time it was the Romans.
At first, there was a mere movement, led by Simon bar Kokhba, a militant Jew that refused to fall under the heel of the evil empire.
Reportedly charismatic, undoubtedly devout, and wise in the ways of war, the bar Kokhba led a rebellion that steadily grew. In the year 132, when the most prominent rabbi in Judea proclaimed that Simon bar Kokhba was the long awaited Messiah, the ranks of the rebels grew more quickly.
They had good reasons.The Romans had destroyed the Temple again., For Jews this was not just a building that had been knocked down. It was the destruction of the only place on earth where they could worship Yahweh God.
We know that for the Jews in Jerusalem one hundred years earlier, the great hope was that when the Messiah came, he would lead them with the sword. He would turn the Romans out of Jerusalem, and would be known for His might.
This is why so many of the Jews missed it, when the Messiah did indeed ride into Jerusalem. There was no white steed, standing up on it’s back legs, front legs churning, while his rider brandished a sword of might, and a crown of gold. No, he came simply, and rode a donkey.
And so he was missed, by many men and women. Good people, devout Jews who only wanted their city back, and to rebuild their temple so that they could worship their God.
They had rejected Jesus as the Messiah and accepted bar Kokhba for the similar reasons. Military might, the restoration of their beloved temple, and a land of their own should not be too much to ask from the God that you love, and remain faithful to.
They wished to shake loose of their foes and the shame of living beneath under culture…again. The Romans had even renamed their country. Judea was now Palestine. Removing the history of a people cuts deeply into their dignity.
And so the faithful Jews made their move, and drove the Romans out. For a while; two years or so. No doubt their victory was a source of great pride and celebration.
Tens of thousands of roman soldiers were killed. bar Kokhba reclaimed Judea as an independent nation. Life was good again.
But Hadrian and his army returned. They were led by their best general, and four times more soldiers than would be needed to decimate the Jews..
Six hundred thousand Jews were killed. All of the remaining Jews were kicked out of Jerusalem, and the name of the city was changed to Aelia, which was Hadrian’s middle name. The city was plowed under, and a pig was carved into the gate. Any Jew caught in Jerusalem was crucified immediately.
Simon bar Kokhba was not an evil man, nor was he a fool. He set out to save the city that in the end he helped to destroy. He wished to return Jerusalem to the Jews, not have them murdered by the hundreds of thousands and the remaining cast out.
Those good people that did not see the true Messiah when he came to Jerusalem were not godless fools.
They were devout believers. They were caught up more in their own hopes and desires and beliefs, than they were about the wishes and plans of God.
One hundred years later, others followed one who was not the Messiah, full of the belief that they could destroy their enemies, and God would bless them for it.
For each, by stubbornly holding onto their own beliefs of what the Messiah would do, they missed him.
I hate when I do that, don’t you?
My decisions about the Messiah and His will for me will not affect an entire people. But my willingness to go about the work of struggling to discern who He is, and who I am, will make all of the difference for me…for ever and ever.
1 The Harbaugh family has three football coaches. The rest of the family were able to get real jobs.
2. Colin Kaepernick is the first Nevada QB to appear in the Super Bowl. My Uncle Lou was the first guy to have his head stuck in a toilet bowl in Nevada. But like he says, “What happens is Vegas….is usually bad.”
3. In 2004, Janet Jackson exposed her boob at The SuperBowl half-time show. Her brother Michael did not approve, and told all of the 8-year-old boys at his SuperBowl party to “cover their eyes.”
4. The longest kick off return in Superbowl history is 108 yards. This is exactly the same distance that my sister has to run to get to her outhouse.
5.Pittsburgh won four Super Bowls in six years starting in 1974. Starting in 1974, I worked for 6 years at minimum wage.
6. The Detroit Lions have never played in the Superbowl. They have, however, won the “Crime Bowl” every year since 1968.
7. The 49ers were the first team to score more than 50 points in the Superbowl, in 1990. That same year, my brother accrued more than 50 points on his drivers license.
8. In 1971, the Dolphins played in the SuperBowl, without scoring a touchdown. It is reported that several members of the defense scored later, in the parking lot.
9. Bud Grant was the first coach to lose four SuperBowls. This may have prompted the following quote. “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
10. 8 million pounds of guacamole is consumed on Super Bowl Sunday. Ironically, only 43 of the consumers were able to spell it correctly, and thousands pronounce it wrong.
1. In Norway, baby Ground Hogs are hung upside down on an evergreen tree, and covered in tinsel, or in the poorer sections, sauerkraut.
2. In Arkansas and parts of Peru, the Ground Hog is treated with great reverence. On February 2nd, they are given pointy little pope hats to wear. Some people genuflect as they cross in front of them.
3. In Spain, it is known as “el día de la marmota.” They celebrate by having “The Running of the Hogs.” Last year, several people had severe damage to their ankles.
4. The French celebrate by slow-roasting the Ground Hog, in a savory wine sauce. It is known as “Hog Au Vin.”
5. Ireland celebrates the day like this. They form six-man squads to sleep in a cave with the Ground Hog. They drink from sundown the night before until sunrise on the 2nd. The hog is permitted to drink, but it is not mandatory. At sunrise, they try to figure out which one of them is the Ground Hog.
6. In New York’s trendier districts, the animal is called a Whistlepig, except in the Jewish sections where it is known as a Wood Chuck. There is a small parade, to raise awareness for freedom of choice in sexual orientation for all rodents.
7. The University of California at Berkeley continues to hold their annual sit-in, calling for an end of the abuse of shadows without their consent.
8. Del Rio, Texas ends their Chili Competition Season, with Ground Hog Chili. The animals must be hunted with guns or cars. Free-Range and Organic Hogs are exempt.
9. Canadians celebrate by coloring baby Ground Hogs and hiding them around the house, for their children or their cats to find. Jehovah’s Witnesses celebrate this day, because the Bible doesn’t directly mention the coloring of rodents.
10. In Punxsutawney, Pa., there is some sort of ritual wherein the Ground Hog can either forecast the weather, or call for an immediate end to winter. The details of this are rather sketchy.