The President is Meeting to Discuss Non-Violent Video Games. Here Are My Suggestions.

1. Bambi:Special Ops. Children run around in the forest and pet the animals. There is an interactive and interfaith memorial service for Bambi’s mother.
2. Super Mario Stepbrothers – Sharing and acceptance is featured. Opportunities to camp and fish with the latest “New Dad.”
3. Grand Theft Vegetables– Kids get to run around the farm, gleaning carrots ,soybeans and eggplant. Points are lost for increased weight.
4. Call of Doody– This is a special game aimed at teaching potty training. Extra points for self-wiping. (Ages 1-3).
5. The Legend of Zelda XVII. In this version, there are puzzle solving games where points are gained by the ability to dis-assemble rifles and handguns. Extra points if they are hidden inside fast-food restaurants.
6. Pac-Man the Pacifist. A slight re-write to the plot. The ghosts are now angels who are victims of gunfire. They cry out for rubber bullets. The winner is able to turn the first 25 pac-dots into butterflies.
7. Duck Hunt. This version is far different. You have to collect duck eggs, and hide them in safe places, away from the hunters. Bonus points if you can disarm the hunter and put him in a net.
8. Final Fantasy-The Final One.-For it truly to be a Final Fantasy, the child must envision that they are near death and have to confess all of their sins truthfully. You either go to heaven, hell or limbo…where you have to start over.
9. Residence Evil.– In this game, a child must root out all evil in their home, and turn the perps into local police. When they become orphans, they are sent to the workhouse, where they have to root out more evil.
10.Halo The current game centers on an interstellar war between humanity and a theocratic alliance of aliens known as the Covenant. In the new version, the interstellar war will be between kittens and puppies. There is no obvious advantage, so the winner is the child that has the fewest litters and bombs the most puppy mills.

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