10. When you are invited to a party, never ask what you can bring, and never bring anything. Ask the host if you can “take some of that spinach dip home.”
9. Use your dead grandmother’s handicapped placard to get a good parking spot.
8. When dining out, always treat the waitstaff as if they are your servants. Eat two thirds of your food then return it, saying it was disgusting. Ask for a full refund. Leave a tip of less than one dollar, in change. Make sure their are a few pennies.
7. When at a friends home, light up without asking, and then use your coffee cup as an ashtray.
6. While looking at family pictures, point to a child and ask “who is this porker?”
5. Talk with your mouth full, saying “It’s OK, I never get sick,” while you double-dip the french onion dip.
4. Sneeze in your hand, wipe it on your pants. Say, “Whoa, that’s pretty green,” several times.
3. Compliment your friend on his daughter’s “sweet keister.”
2. Ask your girlfriend if she can look to see if your “hemorrhoids are goin’ down.”
1. Whenever you meet a black person, tell them that you have “lots of colored friends.”